Because almost every post I start winds up like this:
I'm
Scared
As
Crap
To
Get
Married.
And since I can't exactly divulge in that without crossing some boundaries with that man that I love (and I do, in fact, love him), I just keep deleting them.
When you have friends that were very directly and divinely directed by God towards whom to marry, sometimes you wonder if you're on the right track if you haven't had that moment and are met with silence and doubts after every prayer.
When all that seems to happen during the month before the wedding are petty arguments after petty arguments, sometimes you wonder if this is what marriage will be like for the rest of forever.
When the question every night is, "What's for supper", sometimes you wonder if you're cut out for this, this wifely stuff.
When sometimes, instead of looking at the fiancée and the future and going, "This is going to be my life!!" with an excited thrill, you find yourself questioning, "Is this going to be... my life?", sometimes you wonder if you're doing the right thing.
So I've been a bit of a mess.
Because I'm terrified.
I'm terrified that I'm going to get three months into marriage and feel trapped. I'm terrified that I'm not right for him. I'm terrified that he's not right for me. I'm terrified at the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm terrified because I feel like I can't hear God's voice in all of this.
And I have twenty-one days to get my crap together.
Eff.
0 comments to In which I'm an effing mess.