The Plans I Have For You.

I'm not sure what I expected. I wasn't expecting everyone to drop everything and hang on my every story, but I wasn't prepared for the reality that the school had moved on. The music department kept going. Nothing exploded, nothing stood at a standstill. I graduated, I left, and time kept moving. The sadness and tears exchanged when friends parted ways faded into nothing. It stung. I thought that I had left a mark on my niche, and everyone does in their way, but that's just it - everyone does. 

Now, I'm in a semester-long process of finished college and starting my career all at the same time. The first week of January was remarkably rough. I have real, true friendships built at Northwest. I climbed to the top of the totem pole. When campus opened up again, I remember feeling that same feeling of abandonment as my friends went through the education classes that I had done the semester before, as Facebook filled up with statuses bemoaning the weather, and so on and so forth. I was expecting it this time, however. 

At MMEA, I've run into a solid handful of Northwest students. Instead of spending time with them, I've been with music teachers from various stages of my life, including a good set of St. Joseph teachers. I've enjoyed myself, I've learned a lot. Yet the Northwest students seem to be spending time with each other. Why am I not?

Well...

...because nothing in me really wants to. 

It's nothing against them at all! Oh goodness, no. They still make me smile, they still are connected to memories, and they are incredible musicians and friends that are going to make incredible futures for themselves. I just... feel... like I'm in a different place. I'm making a new life for myself with new faces and new responsibilities and new memories. 

In a sentence, I don't feel like a college student anymore. 

I wondered when the switch would happen when I would stop feeling like a kid and start feeling like an adult. I still don't know where that switch is hidden, but I feel like it's either flipped or almost done flipping. I'm not a teacher, but I feel like one. I love Northwest and I always will. I love my friends that I made there and I always will. And there are a few that I hope I always stay in touch with. But I have to come to terms with the fact that, with or without my knowing, I've moved on.