The Plans I Have For You.

The totem pole has been climbed and here I sit, perched at the top, yet instead of feeling invigorated and confident, I feel... scared. Unmotivated. Unprepared.

I have been being prepared to be the drumline captain since my sophomore year. I've held leadership positions for as long as I can remember, and last year was almost a buffet of responsibilities. Percussive Arts Club, Sigma Alpha Iota, C-MENC, Wind Symphony... and honestly, I felt obligated to take on more since the percussion studio is so slim, but I just couldn't do that and stay healthy. I don't mean this to sound cocky, but I know that I can lead. Admittedly, I dropped the ball in Sigma Alpha Iota, but I knew better than to take that position last year anyway. But lead a group of musicians? Isn't that what I'm going to college to get a degree for anyway? I know that I can do this.

So why do I feel so unqualified?

It's been told to me many times, even just an hour ago by Dr. Overmier, that being the best player doesn't make you the best leader. I know this is true. I know that I'm not the best player on the drumline, but I know that I can lead and manage and teach the group. However, I'm going to have to earn the respect of the freshmen. Being a guy that can play snare like nobody's business usually just commands respect. I'm a girl who laughs a lot and is all too aware that she isn't the best. My leadership style is so wildly different from Mike's, and I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to cut it. Dr. O also said that my more personable personality should be viewed as an asset, not a hindrance. I'm not a dictator and I never have been. I'll lead the best if I lead in parallel with my personality. But...

Will people listen to me? Will I be taken seriously? Will I be able to control the cocky freshman guys that come in, that inevitably are the personality of most freshman drummers? Will I be respected? Will I take the drumline to levels that we've never been to? Will people notice a difference when I'm gone?

I'm nervous. But I know that I can do this. I just need to swallow my nervousness and get my swag on, really bite into planning and practicing. I've got the time to prepare.

As I told Michael when we hung out a few days ago, I've only got one semester left here. I've got one more semester to make my mark. And I plan on shaking things up and leaving with a bang. I'm not naive enough to think that people will miss me after a month of the spring semester has passed. Time moves on, and that's a good thing. But the people I'm with, the things I do... it's all about the change. I need to make the most of what I've got left.