The Plans I Have For You.

It had been a full week. Full of meetings. Blessings. Responsibilities. Flexibility. Providence. A good week, but full.

It had been a full weekend. More meetings. Workouts that left me limping for the next few days. Turning in giant projects. Church activities. Counseling. Discussions. A good weekend, but full.

Why are emotions viewed as a weakness?

Every now and again, I hit stretches of days where I have no choice but to put on my game face, drench myself in prayer, and get through it. Last night, looking back on the past week and forward towards the week ahead, my heart made the choice. That the game face needed to be taken off if I was going to be able to enjoy spring break rather than spend it all in recuperation.

I wasn't sad. I wasn't feeling overstressed (responsibilities do NOT equal stress). I felt surrounded and hugged by God, not at all alone. But I needed to cry.

I wonder why it is that women sometimes just need to have a cry, for no particular reason. I am so blessed that I have a man who understands that, who doesn't push or assume that something is wrong, but let's me cry and stays close if I ask for it. But men, they don't seem to have moments like this. We're wired different, I suppose.

It's biblical to not be controlled by emotions. That being said, emotions are gifts from God. God has emotions, and as image-bearers of Him, we do as well. Our emotions are broken and imperfect, which is why we are good to not be ruled by them, but in and of themselves, they are good. So I have to think that the feeling of simply needing a good cry, out of no deep sadness or desperation, isn't wrong. Some part of God's character has to be reflected in that, some part that women were designed to reflect rather than men. I'm not sure what part that would be, but I have to believe that I'll see it some day.

Last night, God sat by me while I let a deluge of tears out of my system, while I prayed and praised Him through a spilling heart. And I think He agreed with me. Sometimes, in the process of not being controlled by my emotions, I forget to feel them.

And sometimes, it's good to let it out and feel.